Our relationship will never be perfect.

Not all people may approve of us or believe in us. But what's important is that we believe in ourselves. In each other. In us.
Without you my dreams would mean nothing. And I cannot dream further because of all the things I dreamed about and fulfilled, you are, and will remain, the greatest of them all. :)

To Stay With Someone is A Decision.

Love is an ultimate decision. And it's not just blind pure faith pushed by emotions. To decide on forever is to decide that our individual dreams are there for sharing. It is to decide to dream together and to leave behind a legacy much bigger than ourselves. It is to decide to grow in our love. To take pains in growing together. And to be patient if we don't grow at the same time. Because to grow in this kind of love results in more faith, generosity, tolerance, patience and service.

You were always there for me.

It's time I published some of the writings I have kept to myself. I wrote about a lot of sad stuff about our relationship because I write better when I'm feeling sad, and it's just not fair. I was scared to put this here because you might just find me crazy. The last thing I want is for you to think I hate you. :(


There are so many things I want to say to you. But time's caught me up and I never get the chance to say them. That I loved you from the moment I saw you and every moment since.


You let me tell you the craziest things. And you just smile and agree with everything I say.

You make fun of me just to make me laugh. Sometimes, it makes me angry, but that's even funnier! :)

Remember when we used to just stay at home and watch movies together under the same blanket? I've always wanted that. You're my first. :)

You always look me in the eye and tell me something serious. That's what I love about you... Among other things.

You make me laugh like no one else can with your silly jokes and random farting. Hahaha

You sing to me at the most random moments. :P

Silent Treatment

Ever since he started talking about going home on October, I started counting how many months/weeks/days we have left. And this month is probably the last month we're gonna be together. So I planned for what we were gonna do on the 17th.

September 14.
I wanted to see him today and give him a hallmark card. I didn't want to stay long at all because I feel really sick. But when I asked him if I could visit him, he said, "You just left yesterday !!"
I honestly got hurt. I didn't want to sleep over. He didn't even ask me. So whatever, I just set my feelings aside and let it be.


September 15.
I couldn't sleep. I told him again that I wanted to see him. He gave me all these reasons and said he'd text me. And I know that line. That line is like... I'll text you when I need you. Right now I don't want you.
So I went out and said I'd wait for his text. I met Ly and Rae and we hung out.... Til they had to go home and I was alone. The thing is, Fujii doesn't get that. When he has to wait, he's always impatient. But when I have to wait, I don't complain. Even thought the weather is bad and I'm sick and all that crap. It's never enough reason for him to think "Oh shit I don't wanna keep her waiting"
Another thing. I brought the camera with me because I wanted to take pictures. But as usual. He never likes to take pictures with me. But I always see him taking pictures with others. Even the girls. So I'm like, what are you trying to say?? I know I'm not hot. Fuck. Never mind.
Took them to the Terminal going to Dagupan. We waited there for so looong. Then I walked home under the rain. We we're so happy that night.

September 16.
He only replied to one of my texts. The rest he never replied to. I just slept the whole day cos my illness got worse. Then went out at night cos the girls called me.

September 17.
Heard he was already in baguio. But couldn't go visit him cos his sister was around. When I got home at about 6am, his brother sent me a message saying "Fuck you homeless!! Finally"
I don'r wanna go deeper into that message. Just so you know, I didn't do anything wrong.
I waited for a text from Fujii, cos y'know, it is our monthsary. I texted him if we could meet, no response. I tried to call his phone, it was switched off. What a way to celebrate, huh.

September 18.
I'm starting to think we're broken up already. I miss him. And I'm not over reacting. It's hard not to miss your boyfriend when you see him online but he doesn't reply to your messages. When you text him but he doesn't text back. When you give him a miss call but he doesn't care. It's like I'm dead and just imagining things.
I made him a scrapbook. I'm starting to think I have nothing to write or put in it. It must have been just a waste of time effort and money.

It's been 4 days. But still, when somebody asks me how we are, I always answer "We're okay."

Although I do agree with letting your boyfriend have his own time, i do not agree with letting him flirt and go to strip clubs if he's still coming home to you. That's disrespecting you & yourself for letting that happen. Thats like saying well he can sex with whoever, as long as he comes back to me every night. If you're boyfriend claims he loves you he wouldn't be thinking about anyone else let alone messing around. But anywho, girls do need to get off their boyfriends sack for a damn minute.

Tell Me... Why Do I Love You Again?

Tumingin ka man sa iba,
Magwawalang-kibo na lang itong puso ko.
Walang sumbat na maririnig,
Patak ng luha ko ang iniwang saksi.

Ever have that feeling

Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. You’re mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.