He promised he’d text me, he said we needed to talk. At exactly 5:19am, I was about to close my eyes, then my phone rang. It was a text from him, asking me if I was still awake. Of course I replied yes. I stood up, and started to prepare, because I know he’d ask me to come over.
I arrived in Upper Malvar at 6am. He opened the gate for me. I couldn’t look him in the eye. But the first thing he did was hug me. He said, “I know you’re mad, Baby. But someday you will understand.” I just nodded, then I entered the house.
Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart was playing. Omar was there. Abdi was there. Yami was there. And they were all feeling the song. Abdi offered me a glass of Red Horse, which I happily accepted and drank bottoms up. It was a warm glass of Red Horse. Eek. After that, i spent 10 minutes watching the floor do nothing. ‘Til Abdi (he likes annoying me. All abdi’s do.) asked me, “Who died?” I answered, “My uncle did.” That made him shut up for about another 10 minutes.
We smoked two joints that morning. I couldn’t feel the high. I dunno, I was still sad even tho my braincells felt the opposite. So I took a cigarette and smoked outside with Omar and Abdi. We were talking about religion. Which is weird. Cos we were fucked up and talking about religion. lol. When I went back in, I felt really tired. I had no sleep, you see. So I went to the room and lay down. Fujii and I talked about it. Well, actually, he talked, I cried and nodded, and cried. I couldn’t say what I wanted to say because I wasn’t in the mood to talk. So we slept. He hugged me tight. He never turned his back on me that morning. He usually does. But not this morning.
We woke up at about two. I have received 5 texts from friends, telling me they love me, and all that jazz. I put on my earphones and played the saddest songs. I turned my back on him and opened the curtain a bit. Just enough to let the sun shine on my face. He took one earphone, then Broken strings played.
Let me hold you for the last time, it’s the last chance to feel again. As that line was being said, he hugged me from behind. He hugged me tight throughout the song. I could feel every lyric sink in. I was shaking, he hugged me tighter. Then we fell asleep again.
We left Upper M at 5pm. I don't think anybody there was aware that we’re not together anymore. I guess we’ll keep putting up a front until they see him flirting in the club, and bringing home someone who is not me.
I’m not mad at him for wanting to break up with me. I accept his decision. I’m just hurt. But I also accepted the fact that he wants to be the best friend I could ever have. I wanted to tell him, “We can’t be friends.” But I couldn’t.
So yeah. I dunno how to end this post.
I’ll just leave it here.
