I miss the times when we were always out together but too shy to take each other home. When it didn't matter that we were in a bar, getting drunk, because I knew your eyes would be set on me the whole night. i don't know how or when things changed, but they did. We'd still go out, you'd take me to your place, we'd get drunk, but you leave me half of the time and... Well you know all about how you are when you're drunk.
You've told me before that I don't have to worry about you when you're out with the guys because they'll take care of you. And that event, weeks ago, when you slept with someone else, wasn't the kind of "taking care" I had in mind. You know what I think about getting drunk. You can't blame the alcohol. All you have to blame is yourself for drinking it. And I can't help but wonder how you must have felt. Did you even think of me. How you did it. Did you use a condom. Is she far better at sex than me that's why you'd rather be sleeping around with her than be in a relationship with me. Did she take care of you that night that's why you think she's "a good girl for you". Did you regret it. Did you ever fuck her in the bed I share with you. Did you ever ask her nasty questions. Did you make her say your name. Did you ever hold her hand. Did you ever take her out on a date or meet her at some place. Did you ever ditch me or avoid me just to be with her.
I wanted to be that girl. That girl good enough to be your girl. and you made me feel I was. 'Til that long conversation we had last week (?) when I asked you what I should do. You said "I want you to be that girl I want in my life." I was like, what the fuck., so i was never that girl? From that moment on, I saw to it that everything you asked for was followed; "I'm drinking with the guys. You stay at home." Even though it was against my will. Even though I feel like I'm being deprived of my freedom. But i respect you that much. I respect you so much that I wouldn't care what people would say when they see you with some other girl, making out in a corner. I wouldn't care if they pity me. You think i don't respect you. But here I am, telling you, that if I really did not respect you, the whole world would know how much you've hurt me. I hope you realize that you make it hard for me also.
